God is Greater...

Today's sermon at church was titled God is Greater than my Hurt.

Very appropriate for me right now. I don't know if you would call what I am experiencing hurt, exactly. I'm not in pain. I haven't been betrayed.

At least not by a person.

I have been betrayed by my body. It's a long story, and it may turn out to be nothing...I'll find out in a week...and I'm praying it is exactly nothing...but in the meantime I have been wrestling with God. I want the answer to the eternal question of "why?" Why me, why now, why so much?

All He wants is trust.

In Psalm 55 David cries out to God. He has been betrayed by a dear friend, a fellow believer, and he wants God to avenge his hurts. In the end, however, David comes to his senses and tells God, "But as for me, I trust in you."

I've learned some important things from David.

It's okay to go to God and dump on Him...don't be afraid to tell God all that you are feeling, thinking, hiding. Don't worry that He will think you unspiritual, or unfaithful. Remember, even Christ, as he hung on the cross, cried out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" The key comes when, at the end, after you have given Him all your questions, all of your fears, all of the unbidden emotion, will you make the choice to TRUST that God won't waste your pain?

I heard this song a few weeks ago, right after I received the results of my first medical tests, and it has haunted me. It has played it's chords into the recesses of my mind, begging me to listen. It's a song I don't want to settle into my heart because it calls me to a higher standard, a place that is difficult to visit. A place that is even more difficult to own. It is a place of allowing God to use my pain for His glory.

It is a place of telling God that if He can use it then bring it on!

I'm not quite there yet.

I don't think any of us enjoy difficulties...but I pray that I can find a place where my love for God is so deep that I am willing to set aside my own selfish desires and replace it with a desire to completely sold out to Him, no matter the consequences.

To glorify Him, no matter the pain.

To praise His name, no matter the suffering.

Jesus, bring the rain.


"Bring The Rain"
by MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty