The Ache Inside

I have this anxiety living inside of me.

I'm not sure where it came from or when it came. I'm not sure what causes it. It may be stress...I'm wearing a lot of hats right now. I'm finishing a class, I have finals next week. I just threw a baby shower for my best friend, and if you know me at all, hostessing isn't a gift I possess, it's a challenge I overcome. But the shower went fine, and I'm doing well in my class. So why this anxiety?

I wake up in the middle of the night after dreams of fighting with those I love. I had a dream last night that every single person I went to with my pain said I was over-reacting and to get over it. I woke up at 4AM in tears and frustration. It perplexes me.

I wonder how Daniel would interpret my dreams? He lived through the pain of being abandoned, left to die by his own brothers. I wonder if he ever felt this searing fire of anxiety rising up in his chest...like a lion about to pounce?

Fear is a strange bedfellow, especially when you're not sure what it is you fear. It haunts you in the quiet moments, and strangles you in the midst of a crowd.

But fear is not of God. Perfect Love casts out fear.

God's love is perfect. God loved ME and YOU so much that He sent His only Son to take our place on the cross.

I may feel anxious.

I may wake up in the middle of the night again with terrible dreams.

But I CHOOSE to hold onto the promise of Perfect Love that casts out fear and be anxious for nothing but in all things, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving for an amazing God who formed my innermost being I will cling to my Heavenly Father who loves me...

And casts out my fear.