Saturday Musings

Let's face it. I live a busy life. I have four kids...and recently, a husband with a broken leg, a full time job, plus all the responsibilities of a full time mom. It's exhausting on a good day...on bad days...well let's just not go there!!

I have been struggling to find a balance and maintain sanity...not to mention my spiritual connection with God amongst the "busy"ness of life. It's not an easy balance to find, less easy to maintain for any length of time. There is always the tyranny of the urgent that is abundant to pull me away from the best that life has to offer.

I'm doing a study on the Sabbath in Scripture. It is a Christian Discipline that has been largely cast aside in today's busy world. I work at my job as a teacher on Monday through Friday, and then often at night I am lesson planning or grading papers, or helping my kids with homework and projects and making lunches for the next day. It leaves very little time (and even less energy!) to do much "homemaking"...things like doing laundry or dishes or cleaning toilets! These things still need to be done, though, so often they get done on the weekends. Before I know it the weekend has been worked away and we're off to the next week of work and papers and homework. It exhausts me to write about it and that is my life day in and day out. Fortunately, for both me and my family AND my students, we get a two week break every so often. It is in the middle of one of these two week reprieves that I write this. I still spend a great deal of time doing the homemaking part of life but with the work side of life cast aside temporarily I have more time to reflect and just "be." I spent part of this time taking a five hour nap yesterday, I was physically and emotionally spent and my body gave me no choice but to recuperate. I think the biggest realization through my study this week is that my friend Heather was my Sabbath place. I realized yesterday how much I depended on her for a place to go that was peaceful and restful and I miss that. My kids asked me what was wrong yesterday and I just yelled, " I need to pack you up and go to the Nations' house for awhile!!" My heart was crying out for a Sabbath in the midst of the craziness and that was the greatest gift she always gave me...and she gave it willingly and without strings. I think that is what I miss the most.

So now I must go on to "find" a Sabbath for myself...and I suppose it had to happen, she couldn't be my Sabbath place forever (well, it would have been fine with me but I guess God had other plans!). I just don't quite know how to do that. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to ignore the dirty socks in the middle of the living room. I find it hard to rest at home because there is always work looming in front of me.

That is the struggle I face. I don't have an answer right now, only questions.

Part of my study stated that observing the Sabbath is acknowledging that "God is caring for everyone and everything." Somewhere in my heart I know that is true, and yet my head is screaming "but God does not get my laundry done or my house picked up!!" Is that irreverent of me?? Come on, tell me you've never thought that...or something like that. Let's just be a little honest here. God has, however, sent me a mother in law who stayed for two weeks and cooked and cleaned and drove my husband to numerous doctor's appointments after his accident. I think I need a full time live in mother in law!! I've jokingly said to friends that I need a WIFE!! Until then, however, I will muddle along, with a dirty house, and dirty laundry, trying to find the balance between having clean clothes and having my sanity. I'll let you know what I discover along the way in this journey!!