Stand in the Rain

Recently I've had a lot of time to think. I got called for Jury duty way on the other side of town and it's a 45 minute commute each way. I'm not quite sure how to fill so much no kid alone in the car time. I make phone calls to friends that I haven't talked to in awhile...I talked to my mom for 35 minutes today. But mostly I listen to the radio. You know how sometimes when you listen to the radio you keep hearing the same song over and over? Not because it's the only song playing but because your brain sort of tunes out the music except for that one song...when it comes on your brain takes notice? This song has been running around in my head for a couple of days now...I heard it for the first time a week or two ago...but I keep hearing it over and over on my commute to civil service. It's really speaking to my heart right now.

Stand in the Rain

She never slows down
She doesn't know why
But she knows that when she's all alone
It feels like it's all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

Chorus:
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fear's whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

Superchic[k] - Stand In The Rain
From the album Beauty From Pain 1.1

My life is so much like this right now...I never slow down, I keep busy from morning until night...partly because there is so much to be done, but partly because I'm afraid of what will happen if I stop. It's like those circus acts where someone gets plates spinning on top of small posts but if they slow down they crash to the ground...I'm spinning plates.

And it's hard, I'm exhausted...and there is no end in sight. If I give in to the pain, to the exhaustion, the frustration, if I cry that first tear...that is the end of it all, I will never be able to pull it back together...it's too hard and takes too much energy.

Fortunately, I'm not alone in my fight. I have my wonderful husband that would cut off his right arm for me. I have some wonderful friends. And I have an AMAZING God who loves me...even when I don't feel lovable...even when I don't feel loved...even in the midst of the rain...His love is standing.